a hopeful wish

love. adventure. sunshine. freedom.

words to live by

"You need a mother very, very badly." - Maggie Banning to Captain Hook.

oh how many times would this have been the perfect thing to say.

boho misfit cloud

My cloud after pasting my blog url. Make your own at this super cool site.

Etsyfied

Okay I was skeptical at first of this whole buy handmade business but I am love love loving it. I purchased a couple of things for gifts to get my feet wet, yeah try em out on someone else! but it has been a major success. The more I peruse Etsy the more I love it. There are so many great handmade items out there. Unique and beautiful. I am not normally a shopper-type person, but this could change me. So next time you are in the market for something, anything really, check em out the artists may surprise you!

blog errors

argh!!!!!!!

writing HER story

ive been trying to write sevi's birth story for months. i have had so many reservations about doing so. you see, it was not an all-natural birth, though that was the plan. but it was not a traumatic overly intervened birth either. i feel in some way, like i am not allowed to write this story because it was ack! in a hospital and gasp! with an epidural. though it is still hard, i try to tackle the writting once a week.

im still working on the story but to be brief: i studied and meditated for months about the birth, read my Ina May, had my lavender oils, birth balls, a very very new age OB that is a huge supporter of natural birth, a great hospital staff who adhered to all my requests, no scary baby moments that would require intervention, and my village (dad, mom, aunt, cousin, friend, drew - would have had more if they were in state!) was there just as i wanted. i had all the right stuff.

but i didnt make it. yes i failed. or at least that is what i thought for several months. but not the day she was born, only after i got home and started to tell my, errr... her story. perhaps the feeling like a failure part was a bit postpartum perhaps just my ego. but to help with my feelings of inadequacy i decided to reread everything under the sun with regards to natural birth, watch the business of being born, get on the blogs. i came to the conclusion most of the stories i read fell into two categories: 1) the natural magical birth 2) the traumatic hospital/c-section/insert anything not natural here birth. i searched for camaraderie in my experience but found nothing to ease my pain. until i read an inspiring and beautiful post by Stephanie at Adventures in babywearing.

how much of my wanting a natural birth was more for me and less for sevilla. we bonded. she latched on. she is perfect. it was beautiful. i was filled with love. i was able to share her arrival with everyone important to me that could be there. i guess i wanted to be a hero.

sevillas grand entrance to the world was just as magical, loving, and beautiful as any baby that has had the fortune to be born naturally at home or otherwise. the day she was born i was overcome with joy, it was after i started thinking about how i would tell people what had 'gone wrong' that i started to feel like a failure. though i will opt for a home birth if we are graced with a next time, as i write her story i am beginning to pull from the emotion of that day, not the arrogance that consumed me afterward. my firstborn deserves to know she entered the world soaked in the love cocktail.

ain't life grand

my girl is sleeping soundly, im enjoying a great cup of calendula hibiscus ice tea, listening to Tingstad and Rumbel, and reading instead of writing today. aaahhh